In this episode, in recognition of this being episode 666, we go a bit dark and discuss the concept of normal marital sadism (a term coined by Dr David Schnarch), which refers to the intentional infliction of pain, cruelty, and hurt within a marriage.
We explore various examples of normal marital sadism, such as poking fun at and embarrassing a spouse, lying to inflict pain, restricting the autonomy of your spouse, and manipulating them to establish compliance or gain dominance.
Our conversation emphasizes the importance of recognizing our own capacity for cruelty and the need to address it in order to maintain a healthy and fulfilling marriage.
Takeaways
Normal marital sadism refers to the intentional infliction of pain, cruelty, and hurt within a marriage.
Examples of normal marital sadism include humiliating and demeaning others, lying to inflict pain, restricting the autonomy of others, and manipulating others to establish compliance or gain dominance.
It is important to recognize our own capacity for cruelty and address it in order to maintain a healthy and fulfilling marriage.
Denying the existence of normal marital sadism can lead to its prevalence and negative consequences in a relationship.
On the Xtended Version ...
What do we do about normal marital sadism? How do I address it? Get rid of it? Or, at the very least limit it's presence in my marriage?
Enjoy the show!
Sponsors ...
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The post Normal Marital Sadism #666 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

Normal Marital Sadism #666

In this conversation, Dr Laurie Watson joins me as we discuss the dynamics of relationships and how they can impact sexual intimacy. We explore the misconceptions and expectations that couples often bring into therapy, as well as the triggers and defensive mechanisms that can lead to negative cycles.
We also discuss the importance of recognizing patterns and understanding attachment styles in order to create healthier relationships. Overall, the conversation emphasizes the need for communication, empathy, and a willingness to work through challenges in order to cultivate a satisfying and fulfilling sexual connection.
Learn more about Laurie here - https://www.foreplayrst.com/
Takeaways
Misconceptions and expectations can lead to disappointment and frustration in relationships.
Triggers and defensive mechanisms can create negative cycles in relationships.
Understanding attachment styles can help couples navigate challenges and create healthier relationships.
Communication, empathy, and a willingness to work through challenges are essential for cultivating a satisfying sexual connection.
On the Xtended Version ...
In this XTD conversation, we provide an example of a couple's interaction and explore the emotional and physical reactions that can arise. We emphasize the importance of creating space for communication and understanding each other's needs. By expressing vulnerability and making plans, couples can overcome the negative cycle and improve their sexual experiences.
Enjoy the show!
Sponsors ...
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The post Attachment Styles and Cycles | Dr Laurie Watson #665 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

Attachment Styles and Cycles | Dr Laurie Watson #665

This week we discuss the impact of trauma on reactions and responses in marriage.
An email from a listener points out she felt that trauma was not adequately addressed last week.
We explore more how both partners are responsible for their reactions and responses, and that there is no hierarchy of pain. We also discuss the importance of regaining a sense of safety in the relationship and the need for both partners to work on themselves. 
Takeaways
Both partners are responsible for their reactions and responses in marriage.
There is no hierarchy of pain in life and relationship.
Regaining a sense of safety in the relationship is important, but it is not solely the responsibility of a partner.
Recognizing and changing patterns is essential for personal growth and a healthier marriage.
On the Xtended Version ...
We continue to explore the idea of sexual polarity and look at aspects of masculine and feminine energies.
Enjoy the show!
Sponsors ...
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The post Yes, But … #664 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

Yes, But … #664

Today let's explore the impact of reactions and perceptions in relationships, specifically in the context of discovering pornography usage.
There are lots of complexities with the aspects of honesty, trustworthiness, fear, and shame. Like how others perceive us, the importance of acknowledging others, the reactions to the discovery of pornography usage, motivations for lying, managing fear and shame, breaking the cycle of fear and reaction, recognizing the scripts we carry forward, and seeking professional help or self-reflection. To name a few.
Listen to hear us explore them all.
Takeaways
Reactions and perceptions play a significant role in relationships.
Honesty and trustworthiness are crucial in addressing the discovery of pornography usage.
Fear and shame can fuel destructive reactions.
Breaking the cycle of fear and reaction requires self-reflection and seeking professional help.
On the Xtended Version ...
Sexual polarity plays a large role in the energy found between husband and wife - particularly the sexual energy.
What is it? How do I enhance it? Listen to find out.
Enjoy the show!
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The post More Destructive: His Porn Or Her Reaction? #663 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

More Destructive: His Porn Or Her Reaction? #663

In this conversation, I'm joined by Jason Van Ruler as we discuss the importance of addressing past wounds and traumas in order to move forward in life and relationships.
We talk about the concept of scripts and how our past experiences shape the narratives we tell ourselves. 
Learn more about Jason here - https://www.jasonvr.com/
Takeaways
Addressing past wounds and traumas is essential for personal growth and healthy relationships.
Scripts, formed by past experiences, shape the way we perceive ourselves and others.
On the Xtended Version ...
Jason and I dive into the work of Dr. Schnarch and his theory of traumatic mind mapping, which examines the deeper layers of trauma and the motivations behind it.
The conversation emphasizes the need to confront the dark side of ourselves and rewrite our narratives to chart a new course.
Enjoy the show!
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The post Get Past Your Past | Jason VanRuler #662 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

Get Past Your Past | Jason VanRuler #662

In today's episode of Sexy Marriage Radio,  we discuss the truth about pressures in marriage and sex. We explore the dynamics of power distribution in sexual relationships and the responsibility each partner has for their own pleasure.
We also dive into the impact of how we relate to our sexuality and the importance of facing responsibility and making conscious choices.
The overall goal? Have open and honest conversations about your sexual relationship and to take ownership of your own pleasure.
Takeaways
There are natural dynamics and pressure in every marriage.
How you relate to your sexuality and sex life is important.
It all boils down to choice - are they consciously and freely made?
On the Xtended Version ...
There are three main components that help contribute to the female orgasm.
What are they? Listen to find out.
Enjoy the show!
Sponsors ...
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The post Who’s Responsible For Whose Orgasm? #661 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

Who’s Responsible For Whose Orgasm? #661

In today's episode, we continue the discussion on the topic of mercy sex and the pressures and obligations that can arise in marriage.
Let's explore the impact of religious beliefs and family of origin on sexuality, and the importance of peeling away layers and developing new ones to create a more fulfilling sex life.
So what are the practical steps for dealing with pressure and obligation, shifting responsibility, and finding your voice?
Takeaways
Pressure and obligation can arise in marriage, and it's important to navigate these challenges together.
Religious beliefs and family of origin can have a significant impact on sexuality and the dynamics of a marriage.
Taking the time to evaluate your desires and needs is crucial for personal growth and a fulfilling sex life.
Enhancing sexuality and growing together as a couple requires open communication, understanding, and a willingness to explore and adapt.
On the Xtended Version ...
What are the components that help create optimal sexual experiences?
We talk through some research that found six factors and work through them and how they overlap.
Enjoy the show!
Sponsors ...
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The post The Truth About Pressures In Sex #660 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

The Truth About Pressures In Sex #660

In this conversation, John Eldredge joins me as we discuss the impact of busyness and unhealed trauma on relationships.
John brings up the concept of inner ages and how unresolved childhood trauma can surface in adult relationships. It is important to create space for our younger selves and having honest conversations about the needs and fears that arise.
We also discuss the fragility of the world and how it can affect individuals and relationships. 
Learn more from John here - https://wildatheart.org/
Takeaways
Busyness can take a toll on relationships, leading to a lack of leisure time and personal well-being.
Unhealed childhood trauma can resurface in adult relationships, causing emotional challenges and conflicts.
Tuning into inner ages and understanding the needs of younger selves can help navigate relationship dynamics.
Honesty and open communication about fears and needs can foster intimacy and understanding in relationships.
Enjoy the show!
Sponsors ...
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The post Busyness and Unhealed Trauma | John Eldredge #659 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

Busyness and Unhealed Trauma | John Eldredge #659

In this episode, we discuss the concept of mercy sex in a marriage. What are the  characteristics of mercy sex and the impact it has on both the lower desire and higher desire spouses?
We also discuss the pressure to have sex and how it affects the dynamics of a relationship. As well as a discussion on how to move from mercy sex to freely chosen sex, where both spouses are actively participating and enjoying the experience.
Takeaways
Mercy sex is characterized by a lack of initiation, a distaste for sex, a desire to get it over with quickly, and a lack of presence and connection during the act.
The lower desire spouse may feel pressure and guilt when it comes to sex, while the higher desire spouse may accept mercy sex as a way to ease their own insecurities.
Both spouses need to confront their own issues and communicate openly about their desires and boundaries in order to move from mercy sex to freely chosen sex.
Facing the pressure to have sex in a marriage is a normal part of committed relationships, and both partners need to accept and navigate this pressure in a healthy way.
On the Xtended Version ...
Join us in a thought experiment. We all strive for great sex in marriage, or at least many people do. But could great sex actually be a hinderance to good sex in marriage?
Listen to hear us explore this idea.
Enjoy the show!
Sponsors ...
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The post Mercy Sex In Marriage #658 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

Mercy Sex In Marriage #658

In this episode, we address some of the  feedback from last week's episode about a husband losing attraction to his wife. We explore the impact of such revelations on men and women - is there a difference in how it impacts each gender - and we explore the concept of facing dilemmas and making choices in relationships.
The key here is the importance of self-validation and differentiation in personal growth. That is the best way to achieve relational growth as well.
Takeaways
Accept and love family members despite their flaws.
Revelations about lost attraction can be devastating, but they provide an opportunity for change.
Facing dilemmas in relationships requires courage and self-reflection.
Self-validation and differentiation are essential for personal growth.
On the Xtended Version ...
At the beginning of each new year, we use a process of My 3 Words to help frame our focus in the coming year.
Join us as Pam and I go through our words for 2024. And share yours on the https://my.smr.fm platform.
Enjoy the show!
Sponsors ...
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Academy: Join the Academy and go deeper. https://smr.fm/academy
The post The Search For Intimacy #657 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

The Search For Intimacy #657

In today's episode, we dive into a listener's question about a lack of desire in her marriage. After working through the Our Intimate Choices worksheet, the husband shared he has no desire or attraction towards his wife.
What does she do now?
It's important she faces the truth of the system and begins recognizing the underlying dynamics. In this process it is imperative she recognizes the importance of separating self-worth from a spouse's opinion and works to make choices that align with her personal values.
Takeaways
Facing the truth and recognizing the underlying issues in a marriage is essential for personal growth and relationship development.
Separating self-worth from a spouse's opinion is crucial for maintaining a healthy sense of self.
Choosing to stay in a marriage while not feeling stuck requires personal growth and self-reflection.
Marriage is a people-growing machine that demands constant self-confrontation and growth.
On the Xtended Version ...
Questions from a recent Q&A session regarding what do you do when attraction has disappeared or never really existed in the first place?
There is a natural ebb and flow of attraction and desire in marriage, but facing this dynamic requires a great deal of self work. 
Enjoy the show!
Sponsors ...
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The post My Husband Doesn’t Desire Me #656 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

My Husband Doesn’t Desire Me #656

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On the Regular Version ...
Natalie Hickson joins me as she shares her mission of helping moms overcome anger and anxiety in motherhood and marriage. We discuss the challenges of transitioning into parenthood and the triggers that can lead to destructive anger. Natalie emphasizes the importance of recognizing and expressing anger in a healthy way, and she dives into the SIT and PRAY method.
We also explore the concept of anger as a covering emotion and the need for forgiveness and personal growth in healing relationships. We all as parents need to take responsibility for our actions and possibly offer empathy and compassion for our own parents' struggles.
Learn more from Natalie here https://nataliehixson.com/
Takeaways
Transitioning into parenthood can be challenging, leading to feelings of anger and anxiety.
Recognizing and expressing anger in a healthy way is essential for maintaining healthy relationships.
Anger can be a covering emotion, masking deeper feelings of sadness, fear, or insecurity.
Forgiveness and personal growth are key to healing and breaking generational patterns.
Taking responsibility for our actions and seeking support can lead to stronger, more fulfilling relationships.
Helping yourself is the key to helping your kids.
Episode Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Mission
05:32 The Challenges of Motherhood and Marriage
06:40 The Transition into Parenthood
08:23 Recognizing the Need for Change
11:42 Seeking Therapy and Personal Growth
13:13 Differentiating Destructive Anger from Normal Anger
16:29 Clarifying Emotions and Communicating Effectively
20:06 Anger as a Covering Emotion
On the Xtended Version ...
The conversation goes deeper as we explore the importance of personal growth and self-improvement in the context of marriage. We can only change ourselves and our reactions, which can lead to positive changes in our relationships.
We touch on the fact that there is often  resistance to change and fear of uncertainty that can arise in relationships. But it is important that take responsibility for our own lives and actions.
Enjoy the show!
Sponsors ...
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The post Overcome Destructive Anger | Natalie Hixon #655 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

Overcome Destructive Anger | Natalie Hixon #655

Today we discuss the topic of flirting in relationships. Plus, let's explore the concept of 'good naked' and 'bad naked' and how it can impact erotic energies.
It is important to maintain energy and tension in your relationship. One way to do this is through the process of flirting with your spouse. How you ask?
We go over several tips today - including being congruent with who you are, using playful teasing, complimenting each other, and showing genuine interest. We also discuss the role of body language and physical cues in flirting.
Takeaways
Does bad naked negatively impact the connection and energy between spouses?
It is important to maintain tension between spouses.
Flirting is a playful and subtle way of expressing romantic interest.
There are several ways to flirt - but most importantly it must be genuine and authentic.
Instigate - Escalate - Isolate
Episode Chapters
00:00 Welcome to the show
01:25 Topics: How to Flirt
04:30 Discussion on 'Good Naked' and 'Bad Naked'
05:32 Does 'Bad Naked' Impact Erotic Energies?
08:17 Maintaining Energy and Tension in a Relationship
09:37 How to Flirt with Your Spouse
11:42 Defining Flirting and Being Congruent
12:47 Playfulness and Teasing in Flirting
14:14 Complimenting and Genuine Interest
21:36 Body Language and Physical Cues
24:45 Instigating, Escalating, and Isolating
On the Xtended Version ...
An email from an Academy member who is in a dilemma having his wife's reactions to his attraction towards her as him being  gross or untrustworthy. 
We unpack how there are moves every person makes in marriage. So how do you become more aware of your moves while also making better ones in response to your spouse's moves? 
Enjoy the show!
Sponsors ...
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The post How Do I Flirt With My Spouse? #654 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

How Do I Flirt With My Spouse? #654

Today we discuss the Our Intimate Choices worksheet, a communication tool designed to facilitate conversations about boundaries, preferences, and comfort levels in a couple's sex life. We also touch on holiday etiquette and the role of sex toys as stocking stuffers. It is important to have open and honest communication in marriage and the benefits of using tools like the Our Intimate Choices worksheet can enhance both intimacy and understanding between spouses.
Takeaways
Be aware of your surroundings as overnight guests in someone else's home.
When giving sex toys as gifts, keep the recipient's comfort level and preferences in mind.
Open and honest communication is essential in a marriage, especially when it comes to discussing boundaries, preferences, and comfort levels in the bedroom.
The Our Intimate Choices worksheet is a great tool for couples to explore and clarify their desires and expectations in their sex life.
Episode Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Sexy Marriage Radio
01:27 Today's episode topics
06:40 Holiday etiquette and sex
12:19 Exploring the Our Intimate Choices worksheet
23:03 Benefits and reflections on this exercise
On the Xtended Version ...
Every November there is a growing number of people who participate in No-Nut November. Not sure what this is?
They commit to go one month without masturbating/orgasming. What began as an online fad has grown quite a lot over the years.
But what if it's actually dangerous?
Enjoy the show!
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The post No-Nut November May Be Dangerous #653 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

No-Nut November May Be Dangerous #653

Come join the conversations in the SMRNation Community at my.smr.fm
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On the Regular Version ...
Today we revisit a segment from the archives - A wife wants to know more how to help her husband and his struggle with pornography usage.
A husband wants to know how to talk about sex more with his wife - who was raised by her grandfather and never taught anything about the subject, even how to talk about it.
On the Xtended Version ...
Is sex a normal function?
we unpack this more in the Xtended content - because how you answer this question determines how you face the struggle this act will create in life and marriage.
Enjoy the show!
The post Is Sex A Normal Function? #652 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

Is Sex A Normal Function? #652

The 2024 Passionately Married Getaway is June 13-15, 2024. Register now.
Everyone gets the full show ...
We revisit a conversation with Dr Emily Nagoski, about how sex works in your brain.
There is updated science, so she updated her work.
What changed?
Listen to find out.
Learn more about Dr Nogowski here - https://www.emilynagoski.com/
Enjoy the show!
Sponsors ...
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The post Your Brain On Sex | Dr Emily Nagoski #651 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

Your Brain On Sex | Dr Emily Nagoski #651

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On the Regular Version ...
I'm joined by Bill Nelson, a Certified Financial Planner and Certified Financial Therapist. 
We dive into the world of money and marriage and meanings. 
Learn more about Bill here - https://pacesetterplanning.com/
On the Xtended Version ...
Pam and I discuss our take our takeaways from the conversation with Bill. It's all about the meanings of things - not the things.
Enjoy the show!
Sponsors ...
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Academy: Join the Academy and go deeper. https://smr.fm/academy
The post What Money Means | Bill Nelson #650 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

What Money Means | Bill Nelson #650

Come join the conversations in the SMRNation Community at my.smr.fm
The 2024 Passionately Married Getaway is June 13-15, 2024. Register now.
On the Regular Version ...
I'm joined my Dr Glenn and Phyllis Hill as we walk through their marriage tool for deeper connection and conversation. 
You can learn more about the Connection Codes and pick up the 4 Minute Tool here - https://connectioncodes.co/passionatelymarried 
On the Xtended Version ...
Pam and I discuss our take on the Connection Codes tool. Is it good for everyone? Are there things to look out for if you use it?
Enjoy the show!
Sponsors ...
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Academy: Join the Academy and go deeper. https://smr.fm/academy
The post Connection Codes | Dr Glenn and Phyllis Hill #649 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

Connection Codes | Dr Glenn and Phyllis Hill #649

Come join the conversations in the SMRNation Community at my.smr.fm
The 2024 Passionately Married Getaway is June 13-15, 2024. Register now.
On the Regular Version ...
Why do people get married? Let's explore several reasons and motivations.
Plus, what do we most often expect from our marriage and life as it pertains to others?
On the Xtended Version ...
Can you marry the wrong person?
Is this even the best question to ask?
Enjoy the show!
Sponsors ...
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The post What If I Married The Wrong Person? #648 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

What If I Married The Wrong Person? #648

Come join the conversations in the SMRNation Community at my.smr.fm
The 2024 Passionately Married Getaway is June 13-15, 2024. Register now.
On the Regular Version ...
Apologies are a part of every life and relationship. But what about the times when we think we're apologizing but we're really not?
We listen into a recent mastermind group call where the guys are talking about saying I'm sorry and addressing the hurt.
On the Xtended Version ...
We unpack the first segment a little more, then jump into the steps towards a genuine apology and repair in relationships. 
Enjoy the show!
Sponsors ...
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The post Sorry Not Sorry #647 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

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