Somebody asks where you want to eat and you say it doesn't matter. Then you're halfway through the meal wishing you'd said what you actually wanted. You weren't lying to them. You just handed over information that wasn't quite true, and now you're the one paying for it. In this episode, Kim and Coach Suzette get into self-honesty: what it actually takes to know what you feel, want and need, and why people pleasers are so quick to edit that before anyone else hears it. IN THIS EPISODE:• Why self-honesty is bigger than not telling lies• The five things you have to discover: feelings, wants, motives, limits and values• What "it's fine" and "I don't care" are usually standing in for• Why your brain got so good at editing — repetition, discomfort, and the relief that follows• Why making someone else feel better makes you feel better, and why that's worth admitting• Information isn't instruction — knowing what you want doesn't mean you have to have it• Your truth gets a seat at the table. It gets one vote.• The pendulum swing, and why you'll be bad at this before you're good at it• Why the prefrontal cortex is what lets you hold everyone's needs at once, including yours• The practice: catch yourself saying it's fine, and ask whether it actually is EPISODE CHAPTERS:00:00 — What a people pleaser has the hardest time saying00:38 — Do you know your fear pattern?01:15 — The third one in the Harmonizer series01:49 — Turning the question around: what's true for me?02:48 — Why we edit ourselves in the first place03:29 — Am I pretending this doesn't bother me?05:31 — They learned who you are from what you taught them06:13 — It's fine. I don't care. It didn't hurt my feelings.06:59 — You can't make an honest choice with information you won't let yourself have07:22 — How do I know what I want if I've never asked?09:03 — Feelings, wants, motives, limits, values09:34 — The word that makes harmonizers flinch10:40 — Information isn't instruction11:24 — A seat at the table, and one vote11:48 — The pendulum, and why you'll be bad at this first15:38 — How does the brain get so good at editing?16:35 — What harmonizers are actually after18:25 — Your brain also learns from discomfort19:28 — "Maybe" instead of no, silence instead of disagreement22:46 — How long does this take?25:13 — Making them feel better makes you feel better26:34 — Short-term relief versus long-term cost26:47 — Holding everyone's needs at once28:03 — Will I start seeming selfish?28:51 — Kindness informed by truth29:48 — The questions to start asking31:17 — We don't owe everyone every truth32:30 — The practice</

Why It's Hard to Be Honest With Yourself (The Brain Science Behind "It's Fine")

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